Step 1: Crush Those Butterfingers

If you’re using candy bars, unwrap all of them. This is weirdly satisfying.

Food processor method: Break the bars into chunks and pulse in the food processor until you have a mix of fine crumbs and small chunks. Don’t turn it into powder—you want texture. Pulse 8-10 times, then check. It should look like coarse breadcrumbs with some pea-sized pieces.

Anger management method: Put the unwrapped bars in a large ziplock bag, seal it (seriously, seal it or you’ll have Butterfinger dust everywhere), and beat the hell out of it with a rolling pin, meat mallet, or whatever heavy object you have. This is great if you’ve had a rough day. Smash until you have a mix of crumbs and small chunks.

Lazy method: Just buy the Butterfinger baking bits. They’re already crushed. No judgment here.

Set aside about 1/2 cup of the crushed Butterfinger for rolling the balls in later (optional but adds extra crunch). Put the rest in your mixing bowl.

Step 2: Mix the Magic

Make sure your cream cheese is SOFT. Like, you should be able to press your finger into it easily. If it’s cold, microwave it for 10-15 seconds. Cold cream cheese won’t mix and you’ll have lumps. Nobody wants lumpy balls.

In a large bowl, beat together the softened cream cheese and peanut butter until smooth and creamy. You can use a hand mixer, stand mixer, or just a wooden spoon and some elbow grease. Mix for 1-2 minutes until it’s totally combined and fluffy.

Add the vanilla if you’re using it. Mix again.

Add the crushed Butterfinger to the cream cheese mixture. Fold it in with a spatula or wooden spoon. You want it evenly distributed but don’t overmix or you’ll turn everything into mush. Some chunks are good—that’s where the texture comes from.

The mixture should be thick, sticky, and holdable. If it’s too soft to roll, stick the whole bowl in the fridge for 20-30 minutes to firm up.

Step 3: Roll ‘Em Out

Line a baking sheet with parchment or wax paper.

Using a cookie scoop (about 1 tablespoon size) or just a spoon, scoop out portions of the mixture. Roll each portion between your palms to form a ball about 1 inch in diameter. They don’t have to be perfect—rustic is charming.

Pro tip: Slightly wet or greased hands make rolling way easier. The mixture is sticky as hell. Keep a damp paper towel nearby and wipe your hands between every few balls.

Place each ball on your prepared baking sheet. They can be close together—they’re not baking, just chilling.

Once all the balls are rolled, pop the entire baking sheet into the freezer for 30 minutes. This firms them up so they don’t fall apart when you dip them in chocolate. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP. I’ve tried. It’s a disaster.

Step 4: Melt That Chocolate

If using candy coating (almond bark): Break it into chunks and microwave in a microwave-safe bowl in 30-second intervals, stirring between each interval, until completely smooth and melted. Usually takes 1.5-2 minutes total. Don’t overheat or it’ll seize up and get grainy.

If using chocolate chips: Combine chocolate chips and coconut oil (or shortening) in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring between each, until smooth and melted. The oil/shortening helps thin it out for easier dipping and gives it a nice shine.

Double boiler method: If you don’t trust your microwave, melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering water. Stir constantly until smooth. Keep the heat low—you’re not boiling water, just steaming it.

Your melted chocolate should be smooth, glossy, and pourable. If it’s too thick, add a tiny bit more coconut oil or shortening and stir.

Step 5: Dip and Coat Like a Pro

Take your chilled balls out of the freezer. Work quickly but don’t stress—they’ll stay cold for a bit.

Drop one ball into the melted chocolate. Use a fork or dipping tool to roll it around until completely coated.

Lift it out with the fork, letting excess chocolate drip back into the bowl. Tap the fork gently on the edge of the bowl a few times to get rid of extra chocolate—you don’t want a huge puddle of chocolate at the bottom.

Slide the coated ball off the fork onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. Use another fork or toothpick to help push it off if needed.

Right away, while the chocolate is still wet, sprinkle the top with crushed Butterfinger pieces, sprinkles, or a tiny pinch of flaky sea salt. This is your moment to make them pretty.

Repeat with all the balls. If your chocolate starts to thicken as it cools, just pop it back in the microwave for 10-15 seconds.

If you mess up a coating (and you will, we all do), just scrape off the chocolate, pop the ball back in the freezer for 10 minutes to re-chill, and try again. It’s not brain surgery.

Step 6: Chill and Devour

Once all the balls are coated, put the baking sheet in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to let the chocolate set completely. They should be firm and not sticky to the touch.

Transfer them to an airtight container or serving plate.

Try to eat just one. Fail at eating just one. Accept your fate.